did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
