the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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