party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
