I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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