Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
