...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
