He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
