Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
