sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm like, not good at living.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
