The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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