I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I love you. Go after that dick
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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