Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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