i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
