I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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