Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
