if only i could text you this smell
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
