Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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