ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
