So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
