there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
