did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
