who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it's great music for shaving your balls
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
