Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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