They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
