why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
