somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
