Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
