Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
