Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
