It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
