For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
im holly from the hills drunk
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
