He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
