If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
