she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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