$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
