people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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