Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
