Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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