I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
