and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
