the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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