Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
