it wasn't lemon gatorade
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
