You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
