this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
