If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
