Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
