I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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