I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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