Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...

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(850): View more from Florida

He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".

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(740): View more from Ohio

Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"

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(305): View more from Florida

I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?

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