I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
